I hate going to work events with my husband. I have never told him this. I usually go with him anyway.
My lack of desire to go to work events with him has nothing to do with him. My husband loves introducing me to his friends. He often can’t wait to show me off. That is because he loves me so much. He is a great husband.
I don’t like going because I know that when people first meet me, they are going to be shocked at my size. You see, my husband is at his ideal weight. Plus, he is a plumbing contractor, so he is well-defined from lifting heavy materials, as well. Even though we balance each other well and get along well, I know that when people that know him first meet me, they are assessing how different we look. Specifically, they are trying to figure out how in the world we ended up together.
For the most part, I don’t worry about size anymore. This one insecurity, however, has stayed with me. Yesterday we went to a work conference together, and I found myself worried about this whole situation.
My husband is totally clueless. He is always excited to show me off. He is cuddly when we are sitting next to each other. Still, it is times like these that I just don’t feel worthy. I know it’s ridiculous. I have pushed him to be his best, and he recognizes this. Why, then would I be so worried about my outer appearance?
I guess my acceptance of my weight is not as complete as I thought. Maybe I can use this to motivate me. Honestly, though, it just seems to drag me down, instead. Even unconditional acceptance has its issues.